When I first met Shawn Rivers, I found him to be an obnoxious, insufferable jerk. He was like the kid in grade school who secretly liked you, so he pulled your ponytail and knocked your ice cream cone onto the ground. He always said he wore me down over ten years and that was why I picked him; because he wore down my standards. I married him partly because I saw the ingenuity and mechanical creativity he possessed. He truly was unafraid of any challenge or machine he faced. Whether he was responsible for innumerable pieces of equipment on a project, or running equipment with sometimes surgical aptitude, he was always confident with his ability to think around a problem. …and as all ladies know, ability and confidence is sexy in a man. Shawn had it in spades as far as I was concerned. But… he was also fun.
We never slipped into the middle class coma of work, sleep, eat, save for retirement in Florida. There were motorcycles and snowmobiles, demolition derbies and truck pulls, quads and hot rods. There were boats, pick-up trucks and drag races and endless, endless dump trucks. Shawn was never going to grow old like everyone else. He knew it and so did I. As a society we weigh the value or success of a life by how much someone accumulates along the way, whether their profession is esteemed or well compensated or how by long they live, not always by how genuine it is. Shawn’s personality was polarizing. He was either loved or hated, and he really didn’t care either way; it was a complete non-issue to him. Of all the people I have ever known in my life, he was absolutely the most true to himself. He did not present himself to the world as something more than he really was. He was simply on a track to challenge his abilities and his senses, think around problems and stand back from his work with satisfaction.
Things were going pretty good in Shawn Rivers’ life leading up to Tuesday night. He was finally on a good job; a visible job, he was successfully building his reputation as a mechanic and operator and he’d earned his Class A Unrestricted crane license. Our little house was a project that was coming together well and we had plans to move on to Florida after a few more years of work here. He had finally gotten that big jacked-up red Ford truck that so perfectly embodied his personality. His membership at the boat club was forging new friendships that we really enjoyed. He was getting older- sure. If you knew him, you would have heard him complain about a myriad of aches and pains earned from a lifetime of daring stunts, but he was on the track anyway that night. I could tell from watching him in the pits, he was in his element and feeling like he was twenty-five again.
I will always imagine him that night in the driver’s seat with track lighting flooding through a dirty windshield, foot to the floor and cranking the wheel with that same devilish look of focus I remember as he brought a field car around the track at home. When I saw the wreck, I knew instantly this was the moment he was tempting his entire life. The distance to the wreck was impossibly far and I was planning my run through the pits when Danny pulled up to the track gate in the tow truck looking for me.
We run the line somewhere between recklessness and responsibility when we live this life; bikes on the open road, snowmobiles on the trail, dirt tracks and burn outs – it’s who we are. The exhilarating feeling of speed or the challenge of building and handling a car is something we embrace with vigor. It can’t be explained, only understood. I will never understand what serendipity brought Danny to the gate just as I was trying to get through security, but I will be eternally indebted to him for bringing me to Shawn one last time.
I knew. Riding in the back of Eleanor’s car to the hospital and heading away from where my husband was fading off, I gradually calmed my spinning mind and refocused. As I was racing west, I knew he was rolling the throttle back on a Victory Jackpot and riding north up into Daytona once more. The sun would rise again over the water come morning and I think, we both knew, that in spite of everything – it was all going to be okay.
laurawhiterivers 
Jul 07, 2015 @ 12:08:34
I didn’t know Shawn other than a face in a drive thru but this was absolutely amazing. I don’t know if I could have the same strength you do through all this. But in not knowing him, through your writing I feel like i’ve known him forever. I grew up at and around Lebanon Valley and know the feeling of fear when you see someone you know in a horrible wreck. I’m so sorry for your family’s loss, I will keep you all in my prayers.
Jul 07, 2015 @ 12:24:54
A loving description of a man I did not know except for contact through our boat club, but I felt the sentiment and believe with all my heart that it is spot on. R. I. P. Mr. Rivers in that great track in the sky and my thoughts and condolences to the entire family!
Jul 07, 2015 @ 13:00:15
Laura I will always remember that moment when we pulled him out and when I seen him. I knew you were there and that you needed to see him and I had to get over to that gate and find you. I can only hope that he will watch over all of us and keep us save.
Jul 07, 2015 @ 13:30:50
Beautifully written Laura! What a great tribute to a great man! Keep those good memeories close to your heart!
Jul 07, 2015 @ 13:37:34
Im so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you, the kids and family.
Maria
Jul 07, 2015 @ 14:02:16
I didn’t know Shawn personally but I had met him a few times when I worked at Stewart’s in Nassau. When he was around his friends they were always laughing and having a good talk about cars or races or fixing things. Seeing that accident in person and just hearing the whole track go quiet in the blink of an eye just goes to show what amazing community we have an the compassion everyone has to be silent for everyone out on the track to do what thy had to do to help Shawn. The first responders were right there. Not caring what they were walking into or what they were about to see they just jumped up and helped. Not knowing at first who was behind the wheel of the camper to then hearing Shawns name my heart was sunk the whole time. My heart goes out to the whole family and the abundance of friends that he had. And a huge thank you to Dan Burl for thinking about his wife. In that moment people get caught up and you still thought about his wife and gave her the chance to be with him one last time. That was a huge favor and in that moment is when I cried the most. Not because at that moment I knew it was not good but because you were thinking about Shawn and his wife and knew that they needed each other then more then ever.
Jul 07, 2015 @ 14:34:11
That was very good letter about. Brought tears to my eyes
Jul 07, 2015 @ 15:23:18
Laura,
I can feel your strength and love for a man I didn’t know that well but in the short time I did I was also in awe of his kind nature and willingness to put everyones needs before his own. He was a very gentle soul and also very strong in his values and his feelings for his family. He will truly be missed and my only regret is that I didn’t have more time to know him longer as he was someone I truly respected.
Love to all of you,
Dee
Jul 07, 2015 @ 15:58:54
What a beautiful tribute……May peace settle upon you and your family…..Sorry for your loss..
Jul 07, 2015 @ 16:03:55
I am, like so so many, a part of the extended-Rivers clan. My father, Bill is the nephew of Kat and Francis Rivers. As a Rivers you grow up understanding that racing is in your blood. Your summer will be Saturday nights spent in the pit or in the stands. Whatever other race night there will be, you will be there. Your winter will be snowmobile trails and running your cars on frozen Nassau lake, how many family member’s cars are at the bottom of that lake now? Working on cars, owning a garage, tow trucks, dumptrucks, tractor trailers….good honest hard working livings. Whether they are part of your childhood memories or are things you know now, they are comforts. Your words were beautiful and I hope they are a comfort to many as well as part of your own healing.
Jul 07, 2015 @ 18:56:42
Wow!!!! I am terribly sorry for your loss. I can say one thing, you DEFINATELY knew your man👍 reading this sounds exactly like me… I know one day I’ll meet your hubby the same way… But we lived for it, and we love it…. The thought of building a fast truck or car/ bike or anything else is such a rush for guys like us…. My condolences to you and the family! On a side note I’m so glad that you were at the track that night!!!! Believe me; he’s still racing 😇😇😇Daryl
Jul 07, 2015 @ 19:41:02
My heart aches for you and the girls… so very sorry for your loss.
Jul 07, 2015 @ 19:56:35
Such a beautiful tribute. I hope you find the strength to get you through this difficult time. May his memory be a blessing to uou and all who loved him?
Jul 07, 2015 @ 19:57:20
Beautiful.
Jul 07, 2015 @ 20:21:09
I did not know your husband in fact I had just met his brother in passing the weekend before through a mutual friend. However reading this gave me a perfect picture of who he was and how he lived his life. It’s great that you both had such an amazing life with no regrets. My heart goes out to you that you just didn’t have time to do more of the things you loved together. God bless you and your family. RIP Shawn!
Jul 07, 2015 @ 21:50:17
You and Shawn were an amazing couple.. Even though I was around for a short period of time.. But I won’t forget the way you two were.. I’m sooory very sorry for your loss… ❤
Jul 07, 2015 @ 22:10:39
As being a part of the extended Rivers family, they will always have a special part of my heart. The Rivers family is one of a kind, and down to earth, The beautiful words of your relationship, and love for your husband, Shawn, brought me to tears. My thoughts and prayers will be with you, and family, for strength, comfort and peace during this time.
Jul 07, 2015 @ 22:35:48
Very nice tribute!
Jul 07, 2015 @ 23:18:12
Wow, beautifully written. A lesson we should all learn. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Jul 08, 2015 @ 02:57:04
Very nicely written. It is all about living in the moment. Clearly you and Shawn had that all figured out. When you use to pick Maya up from day care and drop her off it was clear to me..that is how you both lived your life. I was so sad to hear of the passing of Shawn. My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you and the family.
Jul 14, 2015 @ 23:13:37
Sending big hugs and lots of prayers of comfort to you the kids and everyone who he touched in his journey of life.
Jul 28, 2015 @ 21:40:21
Laura, It is difficult to understand why? My thoughts are with you and your family Mary